Wednesday, October 19, 2022

Muddling on through

All is well with the new digs except--I have a problem to solve. Today I just got angry and went for it. I've had the same table mates for the entire month, and apparently could have them forever. I have a problem with the system and with my table mates. I was arbitrarily seated and told this is my chair forever. The woman to my left has no interest in anything. She claims to remember nothing she did during the day and doesn't talk. Next around is profoundly deaf; anything must be repeated several times. She tries to be interested, but is more into her pot of tea. The woman to my right is 93, and also quite deaf.

I spent a week trying to make conversation, to no avail. I do know the first woman came with a husband who died a couple of years ago. "He was a drinker!" she said. End of that conversation. The next woman I've quit trying to learn anything about; conversation is impossible. The third woman I like; she tries to participate. I help two and three open their creamers and locate the sugar. The third, Marge, has begun to open up to my oft repeated questions.

In addition to her age, I've learned she used to work for a Cleveland furniture store, Sidley, I believe. Her job was to run the nursery, where customer's children could be deposited. She loved that job and had it until she fell and was a long time recovering from broken bones.

There has been no mutual conversation, but at least I can elicit a little history from one. I thought I could leave it at that; I was getting to know a number of the other women who came to some of the activities and they teased me about the dead weight at my table and suggested I ask for a change.

Then I caught Marge's cold. Marge on the left has been coughing since I arrived. She assured me she has been tested for everything and it is a chronic condition. About a week ago one of the employees began insisting Marge wear a mask. (There are two Marge's. On my dinner left, big Marge. On my dinner right, little Marge.) It was a power struggle and big Marge disobeyed as often as she could. The cough got worse, and I caught it. My first cold in forty years.

Yesterday I was too sick to care. I wore a mask in public and to dinner, which I was too sick to eat. I did tell Marge I caught it from her, and today I called the director and told her how to handle the problem. And that is exactly what the staff has been doing all day. 

I said they could move Marge or move me, I didn't care which. When I was over the cold and mask wearing, they could find me a new table, a little more animated, though it would be kind to send little Marge along with me. 

Of course half the population knew the situation by lunch, which amused me no end. My table didn't, however, so I sent word over that I was recovering from Marge's cold and then would move to a new table as Marge needed to get to the bottom of her "chronic cough", and take care not to pass it along in the meantime. I am surprised the powers that be did not not insist on it. The director told me that Marge claimed to be cured and I said where was the proof?

But, this is the same administration that does not update information packets, pass out mandatory buzzers on a timely basis, or issue third room keys when requested. Why do something as simple as ask that a chronic cough be cured or OK'd by a doctor, especially in the face of a rising new Covid wave.

I'll just tell you now, tomorrow I may well do battle with maintenance. I bought a new towel assembly to replace the el-cheapo unit in the bathroom. John, Mr. Maintenance, told me I had to buy anything I wanted and he'd install it. My apartment, my purchase.

So I made him a nice list: put up the towel bar, bring screws to repair three kitchen cupboard doorpulls. After one, I tested all and found three door pulls are short the bottom screw! Then he can straighten out my Netflix and Hulu, and finally, rehang the clock Beth climbed a stool to take down to change the battery, but even tiptoes wouldn't get her high enough to replace it.

42 comments:

  1. I think you are taking charge admirably well.

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  2. Glad you're assertive and can be your own very firm advocate. That's necessary! Good luck!

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  3. Good for you. They're possibly not used to people who aren't afraid to insist on what's right.

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    1. Hard to believe I'm in a room of 60 people, 50 of whom are women, who have not already solved the problems, especially the business about masking up if you have any symptoms of a cold. It's not like we're kissing cousins here!

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  4. Glad you have maintenance to help with things like that. I'm not much for conversation, so I probably wouldn't mind a quiet table, but to have someone constantly coughing isn't something I could put up with. Sorry you caught her cold. Hopefully you are better by now?

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  5. Oh man, your hands are full! I am glad that you will have help taking care of the towel racks and drawer pulls and what ever else is not up to scratch! I suppose they assign seating so that the more compromised are not confused but - Forever? Suck with the dead weight table, - big NOPE!

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  6. Oh I do hope your seating plan changes for the good, Joanne. You need conversation and enjoyment. John, Mr. Maintenance, sounds like the guy to be friends with! - Jenn

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  7. Dislike of other diners at the same table is a common complaint. Change until you get something you're happy with.

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  8. Your table mates sound like they are not compatible and then you caught a nasty cold from one of them. I hope you find some compatible table mates and get your apartment set up the way you want it.

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  9. A miserable cold on top of the lousy (mostly) table mates. I'm glad that you've gone into action. They need to up their game on several fronts!

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  10. You are a force to be reckoned with - which management will discover. I am sorry that you have to go into action quite so soon though.

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  11. You've been quite patient practicing your speaking skills with 3 non-responsive folks. Please presume most residents do not have the memory that you do. I wouldn't trust anybody's word about their vaxes or "immunity." Group facilities are the worst for spreading germs. You could always ask to have your food brought to your room in throw-away tableware. Even when you're better, wear your mask everywhere except within your apartment. I hope the maintenance guy and management don't charge you for each task, even the ones missing proper screws. That's what such facilities frequently do. Please call your doc to keep tabs on your health. You might need testing. I just tested positive for Type A flu in spite of all precautions. (Blasted patient's family brought in a sick, coughing, hacking 3 year old for 3 days.) Linda in Kansas

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  12. Oops, they didn’t see that coming did they. I can see you being forthright and assertive but not angry….I really hope management comes to the party and realises your ‘requests’ are for the benefit of all the residents not just yourself.

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  13. It seems to me that very soon those who deserve your company will discover you and they will be the ones who will ask to sit at the table with you.

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    1. Now that is a good thought...hope that does happen! How come everyone gets allocated a seat and that's it..how can they assume to know what you want and what sort of company suits you?!

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  14. Now John Mr Maintenance sounds a good 'un. Well worth knowing.
    Sounds as if the people running it just expect you to be compliant oldies, not individuals!

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  15. I didn't realise you would be sharing communal meals. Difficult. I think being seated next to someone who doesn't talk could have its upside?

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  16. Hari OM
    Ah yes, common issues that arise from communal living - uncompatibility and germ sharing. Management and staff most definitely need to be alert and responsive... you might consider starting a up a column in the local newspaper; Dispatches From The End Zone, adventures of an oldie in care. Mngmnt might spark onto the front foot knowing they're under such assessment!! Stay strong my dear old friend. YAM xx

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  17. This sounds quite awful, Joanne, a real nightmare. I am so thankful that I still live in my own home with my cogent, witty, kind, considerate wife.

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  18. Wondering why they arbitrarily 'assign' seating for meals in the dining room. It should be 'first come, first served' and sit wherever you like, with whomever you like. I wouldn't give up on any of your complaints until they were rectified. You go girl!

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  19. You go grrl! Kick butt and take names.

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  20. Good for you Joanne, that sounds like a table not suitable for you at all and Marge and the cold! Lucky it wasn't Covid as the new wave threatens all of us oldies. I like that you are asserting yourself and demanding a little more from your table buddies, but a seat selected like forever? what?
    XO
    WWW

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  21. It is probably not unusual for admin and staff there to feel that they can just coast along, trusting that most of the residents aren't going to say a word even if their health is being threatened.
    Straighten them out, woman!

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  22. New to your blog, Joanne, and I live in an Independent Living residence, so we don't get assigned seating, just parking lot spaces!
    You've heard the saying about catching more flys with honey then vinegar .... well, that also holds for residential home management and the maintenance folks! One of our handy guys is a Jon, too ... seems a popular name for maintenance guys!
    Every so often I have to take a break from some of the folks on my floor ... so negative, so whiney (bitchy), so phoney baloney! LOL Ugh! I can only take so much of that and then I just go to my apartment and watch TV or listen to audio books!
    Looking forward to getting the towels I ordered yesterday!

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  23. Oh dear, a lot of problems to sort out. I do agree that Marge should make a renewed effort to cure her cough so as not to pass it on to others. How ridiculous for the director to claim she was cured. But of course that's easier than chivvying her to go back to the doctor.

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  24. I think this place should promote you to Director. Certainly you could improve operations from top to bottom. This place will soon be stellar.

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  25. I hope they sort out the table seating soon and that maintenance does its job!

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  26. The seating plan sounds like the nursing home where my Dad spent eight years. However, the powers that be were actually trying to seat compatible people together, but it didn't always work, and they were willing to change, especially if a resident expressed their wish for it to change. I had to advocate for Dad quite frequently, even with good management, as some individuals working there (RNs and personal care workers alike) should never have been in a caring profession. It made me ache for the residents who had no one to speak for them and couldn't speak up themselves. It was often a case of the squeaky wheel getting the grease, so keep on gently (or otherwise) correcting the errors you see. Love to you, my friend.

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  27. Oh, Joanne. I gotta say, I laughed like crazy. You'll straighten out this place in short order all right. The whole seating thing would aggravate me to no end. It will hopefully not take them long to realize that they might take a deep breath and do what you need done. You go, sistah.

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  28. I wish you great success with the maintenance guy and sitting somewhere else. My MIL was profoundly deaf, and so could not talk to people at dinner. She could, however, beat them all the time at Scrabble.

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  29. It has to be frustrating to dine with women who do not converse. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself.

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  30. I can see why some might need assigned seating... those who would be confused if they had to choose for themselves... but I would hope that friends (even new friends) could request sitting together at meals and it would be acceptable (Can't imagine why not?).

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  31. Best of luck, Joanne. I hope you get everything squared away because your situation sounds so frustrating.

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  32. I am glad you speak up for yourself. Sitting at a friendly table will brighten your meals.
    How's the food?
    Yes, I agree with other commenters - make friends with that maintenance man!

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  33. Dear Joanne, that is a disaster to sit among persons that - not their fault - cannot converse anymore - and YES: you do it right to INSIST you get another table with livelier companions (have you already checked where you want to go?) It might be an interesting offering from the leaders of that home to change the mix of persons' tables every four weeks - otherwise it might get so dull.
    If nothing helps I would eat in my own flat - and not get the cough the little person is spreading so freely! I wish that you get soon over your cold - FIGHT!

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  34. Go get 'em, Joanne! I believe there is an ageism thing going on, where people think old people are ALL doddering, confused, or worse, irrelevant. WRONG! Many are quite competent and not willing to be treated like children. I would sooner be in my room alone, than be relegated to the shuffle-along-until-death group! The way to a maintenance man's heart is through his stomach - I would say make one of your delish galette's for him, and he will be more than willing to do your bidding. Is that cheating? Perhaps. But win - win!

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  35. Deafness is a curse! Pass them a note?

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  36. It is difficult when ones lives with a bunch of people they picked let alone people they did not choose! I'm sorry you got a cold from Marge and I hope a solution can be found for all. I hope too all the maintenance gets done to your satisfaction. It will make the day to day life in your new apartment that much better.

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  37. I'm glad you're being proactive and working to make the situation as good as possible for yourself and others. Good for you! I hope you get a much more sociable table soon. And I'm glad you're getting your room adjusted properly.

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