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Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Identity theft


I threw away my paper calendar. I no longer can write small enough or legibly enough to get a day’s activities on one block. I “migrated” to Google calendar. Like that? Big move. Migrated!

Now, after breakfast, I check my Google calendar. If I oversleep, it chimes on my phone, to let me know some task is undone. No escaping responsibility!

Recently I scrolled over the Christmas trip to Wisconsin and wondered if I scheduled boarding the cat? It was the weekend, so I put it on a week day page: schedule boarding the cat. When I did, I found Toby must arrive with papers for his annual feline booster. Sigh.

My sister and I had some interesting arrangements, all those years we lived together. I took care of all the cat bills. Jan had all the dog bills. But, all the animals had her last name, so Tom would know which animal name to put with the worm pill he was asked to pick up.

When I moved here, I represented myself as my sister, to take Toby to the vet. The women at the counter, Dr. Mike, Dr. Wendy, everyone knew it was me, and the animals had my sister’s last name. I called the vet this morning, said I was me and asked to make an appointment for Toby K.

“Dr. Mike’s next appointment is….”, and the receptionist gave a date next year.

“Toby doesn’t care who he sees,” I interposed.

“Toby only is allowed to see Dr. Mike, owner’s orders.”

I like Toby, and I even pay extra for him to get shots, not pills, since he and I don’t agree on pills. Only Jan could give him pills, and she doesn’t live here. Toby has always been on my payroll, and I didn’t issue that order. I like Dr. Mike, too. I’ve known him for thirty years. I asked to change the order. She couldn’t.

While she went off to see if Dr. Mike will fix the owner protocol, I mused on the state of veterinary medicine. I think the state of human medicine is a mess. Think again.

Memo to my sister: Effective earlier today, Toby K.’s owner has her own account, and a cat named Toby Noragon. Dr. Mike came on the phone and said all these years of catnip laundering by cats using your identity, in secret offshore accounts in my name will end, so help him valerian.




31 comments:

  1. Every cat who has owned me has disagreed with me about pills. Congratulations to Toby Noragon for getting his last name corrected.

    Love,
    Janie

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  2. Hari OM
    MOL....puuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssss... that's it Toby, you are oh-fish-alley listed at last. No more skulking in tax havens or any such nonsense! Hugs and whiskeries, YAM-aunty xxx

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  3. I hear you on the pills. Too many of our cats have been really good at appearing to swallow and then skulking behind a piece of furniture and ejecting a soggy tablet.
    Poor Toby. His incognito days are done.

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    Replies
    1. Toby just bites through flesh. Through and through.

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  4. Glad you got that cleared up. You do realize that had Toby been a human with a Medicare card that it would not have been as easy?

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  5. HOW am I going to do my catnip laundering NOW? Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone? Damn you, human.

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  6. I managed to get all my cats to take their pills...my secret....a strong arm technnique while the cat sat on a very slippery dryer top. I usually came out of it with minor claw marks.

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  7. Lol. Toby sounds great whatever his last name.

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  8. Ha, ha, ha you gave me a good laugh. Who knew taking care of cats (and other pets) in a mixed household was going to get so complicated. And there is Toby looking so purrfect and comfortable in the knowledge his needs are taken care of. Probably his wants too ;-)

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  9. I'm glad you got that sorted and Toby will be able to get his shot in time for camp (boarding).
    He is looking very lovely up there in his perch.

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  10. Congratulations of navigating the maze of changing Toby's name. I didn't know there were HIPAA regulations for cats.

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  11. I didn’t know that vets cared what the cat’s last name was as long as they got paid by somebody.

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  12. Hahahaha! Oh, you make me laugh.

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  13. Yay-cat offspring! I love that photo of Toby. That is one good looking cat. Takes after the Noragon side, I suspect.

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  14. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Your vet sounds like a reasonable dude, and funny.

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    Replies
    1. He's cross eyed, too. He pointed that out to me thirty years ago.

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  15. Hang on, the cat's crossed eyed, or the vet? That is one cool looking cat you have there, Joanne. I know of nobody who can successfully administer a pill into a cat's mouth. Samson will eat a pill if you hide it in a piece of sausage or something equally yummy. -Jenn

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    1. Dr. Mike is cross eyed. He wears a pair of glasses around his neck that separate at the bridge of the nose. Are you reeling from TMI, or can I tell you what Toby does with a disguised pill?

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    2. With Angel, I found it best to crush the pill slightly, bury it in a small chink of steak, then leave it to absorb steak juices for about 30-40 minutes before giving it to him. Seems harder to detect a foreign smell that way. But it doesn't work with Lola, she's much older and probably wiser.

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  16. Hard to stop laughing! Love Toby's beautiful eyes and enigmatic expression!

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  17. I could probably write small enough, the question would be whether or not I could read it. glad you got Toby's name straightened out having just been through that particular ordeal myself.

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  18. Toby is one good looking cat! As for giving pills, we had to do this several times a day with our Jack (with pred). But he was very devious... and would act like he swallowed them. Later I would find pills hidden under magazines, sofa cushions, etc.

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  19. I love those elbow length debutante gloves Toby's modelling !

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  20. Geez I never knew it would be that hard to get a cat appointment!

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