Pages

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Recovery

An explanation. I slipped down the slough of despair again. I'm a focused and oriented person, on the whole. I've been told that as a child I slapped the wind around for blowing in my face.

When we elected the orange idiot, I was as angry as any. I couldn't walk on Washington, but I was burning hot infuriated that a known misogynist, xenophobe could slip into the white house on a fluke. Not even with daddy's noodge to the Supreme Court, like GW, but simply on the electoral collage majority of fellow misogynists and xenophobes.

The might of this great nation, stockpiled again over the eight years of the previous administration, has been squandered so that fat white men could take the profit of the stock market. What we had is gone. Our greatest asset, intelligent and strong leadership, is gone.

When this crisis hit, we were told to be happy, don't worry, long after we needed to move in and take care. Now thousands around the world and at home are dying. Dying for want of supplies and equipment that are not in the storehouses, not in a reliable system of distribution.

Who is dying. A lot of old people A lot of less old people, with years to contribute. A lot of middle aged people, and young people, lives ahead of them Many, many in the medical profession, working non stop to save patients, and felled in duty. Youngsters, babies who have not even lived a life, dying because the greatest nation in the world could not rally round.

I was livid with anger four years ago. Now I am fighting despair at all the lost lives. That effing Russia, the great manipulator of this country's fair elections, is sending a cargo plane of sixty tons of masks, ventilators and other items the medical community is begging for. Thank you, Russia. Clever propaganda move. We'll take the lot of it.

This morning I still was crying at helplessness in the overwhelming futility of doing nothing except staying home. I wove off the next to last fourth of bobbins of yellow. When my back hurt, I quit for lunch, and had an orange and some crackers. At least I'd cried enough.

I leafed through the notebook; what to make for supper? I went all the way to the back. Nothing. I went to survey the pantry. A lot of stuff, and a small jar of some rice mixture. Spanish Rice! Of all the dishes I've worked at since I came to this trailer, Spanish rice is not one. I had all the ingredients except peppers and ground meat. I've used bacon for meat since Laura left, and I wouldn't make a trip to the store just for peppers.

Cornbread always accompanied Spanish rice as a child, so I began with that, and put together the Spanish rice to go into the oven when the cornbread vacated. I took the timer back to the studio and wove another couple of bobbins in the last forty minutes on the clock.



This was the best I've ever had. And no, I did not walk today. When it stopped raining, it was damp cold. Tomorrow will be lovely and I will be out in it, and feeling better.

45 comments:

  1. I do understand your feelings of despair about our worthless government...I share them. But most of the time I have to just acknowledge those feelings and move on to something else...Your lunch sounds wonderful! I want to make a refrigerator soup - probably tomorrow. Or a lentil soup. I know a good vegetarian one with coconut milk and curry powder and veggies....Andy would like it. Be well, Joanne...I'm waiting for my absentee ballot to come...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've mailed mine back already. Yesterday. Such excitement.

      Delete
  2. Let me tell you, Joanne, the world shares the despair you feel with your government and your leader. The scariest thing of all is that he may get another four years.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Let's hope the Great Loser loses.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh Joanne. I understand your frustration. We feel it here in eastern Canada. You have a chance to change things up in November.

    A walk tomorrow will be good!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Spanish rice is always a winner, and cornbread (oh how I love it) makes it even better.

    We are in day 3 of our rain. It is just fine, since we are confined. I baked lemon brownies (using a cakemix and lemon zest w/juice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love lemon ... would you mind sharing your recipe with me? Thanks!

      Delete
  6. I was up in the middle of the night, writing a rant about how they're going to start rationing health care for the elderly -- i.e., if you have a serious illness that could cause you to die with a year, you are compared to someone who is younger or who doesn't have any other diseases. Reminds me of Soylent Green with Charlton Heston https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vf6bQ_5_q24 So very disappointed in this country and its lack of politicians with backbone and caring for their constituents.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The note above this is something else again.
    And too, I must admit to not leaving a note anywhere for a week.
    Did you make any runners?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm also in despair at the way your country has not progressed since the oompa-loompa was elected in. I had hopes the "inquisition" would see him evicted, but that hasn't happened yet.
    I'm sad everytime I hear of more deaths in America, last night our TV news told us 600 were dying daily in New York!! I worry about all the online friends I know there, scattered across the country in different states.
    I worry for the online friends I have here too, and feel helpless every day, because there is nothing I can do except keep myself safe.
    My state, South Australia, had its first death yesterday, an elderly man who attended a wedding interstate three weeks ago, where some of the other attendees had just come back from Italy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Your Spanish Rice and cornbread sounds really good. I had chicken salad today and yesterday. It tasted good because it was very warm here today. 84 degrees inside the house. I am spoiled by our usual (in the past now) once a week carry out. I just don't trust that someone preparing it is virus free. I'm tired of the taste of my own cooking, but I am thankful I have something here to cook.
    I started out watching the President's briefings, because I felt like it is a protective move, but now actually as of a few days ago I just cannot tolerate watching them. He won't allow Dr. Fauci to speak, and the President blathers on and on lying and then being rage and hate filled to any member of the press that asks him a question. These briefings are now nothing but a preening and bullying session for the President. I was depressed about him being elected, but now I don't know what I am, besides worried and terrified for my kids and grandson. I want something better for our country, but I want it now, and I don't think there is a way that can happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A long time ago I wrote on my desk calendar, "Dr. Fauci tells the truth!" I hope he survives the bully.

      Delete
  10. Sadly, despair (and anger) seem to be the rational response at the moment.
    I watch in totally futile horror and I grieve. A NY blogger I follow reported the death of her son this morning. Corvid 19? I don't know, but fear.

    Stay safe Joanne. Please.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I also share in your despair. Just when we thought it could not get worse it did, it got much worse. Now we have a Pandemic with all this loss of life and an election year at the same time. After the past four years I can not even begin to think how the election is going to go but at least I know how I'm voting!

    Don't you love it when you don't have all the ingredients for a recipe and it comes our better! I love cornbread with Spanish Rice and I'm sure it was a great meal! Take care Joanne.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I too am despairing, and don't see any end to this endless lying, manipulation and mismanagement. We do have a dictator who is being enabled by the courts and the Congress to do anything and everything he wants. And yet people still support and admire him! It's utterly terrifying and demoralizing. I think it's time for a beer.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I share your feelings. I've cried a bit, but a lot of the upset was bound up in finding out that my mother's spouse was just diagnosed with cancer. I helluva time to seek out medical care, don't you think?!

    Corn bread and Spanish rice sound like a fine combination. Bon appetit!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The worst time to be sick, for sure. Best wishes to the two of them in this journey.

      Delete
  14. I'm with EC: despair and anger seem rational to me, in response to both the pandemic and the US leadership response to it. This crisis deserved so much better from the federal government (which is now a hollowed out shell of its former self, due to the temper tantrums of you know who).

    Cornbread sounds good right about now. I'm glad your Spanish rice turned out well. Now if the sun would just come out, perhaps you'd feel somewhat restored.

    ReplyDelete
  15. There was a rant on twitter by some woman who has so much hate and anger in her soul that she just doesn't know what to do with it all. I totally feel her rage and your despair. Your dinner sounds good, I'm liking the idea of bacon for meat. We have a large amount of sausage in the freezer. Figured red beans would always be better with sausage.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Staying home is not doing nothing. It is preventing further spread of the virus and it's the best way for all of us who are not essential workers to contribute! I hope you feel in better spirits tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Excellent rant, Joanne. I was mentioning how much it hurts my heart to think of all the people dying alone in the hospitals or how numerous folks will not even get a funeral. Tomorrow will be lovely. And thanks for your kind words on my last blog post.

    ReplyDelete
  18. If it's any consolation, every country in the world is complaining about its government and the way it is handling the pandemic.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh Joanne, come let me take you in my arms!
    So awful the situation, the feeling of being helpless, all so sad.
    Come: let's think of Scarlet O'Hara: "After all tomorrow is another day!"

    ReplyDelete
  20. You told me that "if one cannot say something nice about a person one should say nothing". In disbelief I see on TV that people with high intelligence, power, knowledge, stand behind HIM and say - NOTHING.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Britta, I never considered it in that light. The extreme of the Disney world we've become. That turns my stomach more.

      Delete
  21. Hari Om
    Our UK situation is not a good one, in terms of government lacking in response and capability for this emergency. There is no doubt that our countries are the worst off for having such 'leaders' (how can we call them that really???). Ours is now in hospital - intensive care...because he believed in 'herd immunity'.

    #(#(#(%&)%&#($@@&*##)%_#%)#(%#*&$)(*%&$9048-45q0&

    Is all I have to add to that...

    I had a mini meltdown yesterday. At father. Poor bloke. Mind you, I think it did him no harm to have an insight as to the toll of five weeks of 18 hour days is taking... YAM xx

    ReplyDelete
  22. These are definitely challenging times. I am grateful for mostly being able to stave off fear and anxiety but I think most of us have to really work at it. I hope your walk will help you get some endorphins going. Hugs. xx

    ReplyDelete
  23. It is ironic that Trump includes dictators in the list of dignitaries he has to entertain in the Oval Office without wearing a mask. He gets more like a Banana Republic leader every day, with his promotion of untested drugs against medical experts' advice or even prior knowledge. Still, he has promised to send the UK 200 ventilators which I am sure we would gladly accept as if they came from Russia.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Please tell us, he won’t get re-elected after this latest total cock up? I felt so sad reading this post Joanne, how you must feel I can barely imagine. Every night on the news when I hear him spouting off I think the man is mad! How can this have happened?

    LX

    ReplyDelete
  25. Despair is a normal reaction to all this horror. Spring is coming, that will help. And November really isn't all that far away.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I still have not tamped down the rage I feel at the disloyal Labour M.P.s who lost the U.K. the chance to have a government with the interests of people - not big business - at heart. I could spit pips!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I just woke up and already can hardly bear it. It's truly becoming real to me. Be careful, dear one.
    Perhaps anger is good. It can fuel us for another day.

    ReplyDelete
  28. The election can't come soon enough for me. How we ever got this man for president is beyond me. All I can say is "Shameful!"

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dinner sounds delicious. I love hearing about the things you make and the photos of your work are comforting. You are doing your part-you always have-and your anger/despair is certainly justified (and shared). The constant attack on our democracy from this administration is frustrating and humiliating. The only thing "we" can do is to recognize it and stay angry. The minute it feels futile to be angry or discouraged, we're probably lost. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  30. oh Joanne, I know. starting on my next weekly report I wrote that never in my life did I think I would witness the destruction and dismantling of this country, the government, and our democracy. how did we let a group of people get control who hate democracy? and if Trump gets defeated along with many republicans in November you know they will go into overdrive between then and January to finish their agenda and destruction.

    ReplyDelete
  31. All we can do really is hang on and refuse to die just yet.
    And a tasty home made supper is the best place to start.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I think we are going to see Spanish Rice and Corn Bread at our table tonight too. Yummy

    ReplyDelete
  33. I want some cornbread just about now. Not sure if you are familiar with Marie Callender. She made pie and had restaurants all over at least in California and Oregon at the time. She made the best chili and cornbread combination.

    betty

    ReplyDelete
  34. You left a comment on my blog so thanks for the visit. I think we all have plenty of emotions with the pandemic. As I wrote in my post, the anger emotion will be better used in our fall election. I use it to remind others of the terrible job the reality TV president did with the pandemic. This crisis shows us everyday how unqualified he is for this office.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I haven't left my house in a month and wondering if I should ever leave it again! Wow.. so much hate out there! It makes me sad and I feel sorry for you all, having such a great amount of hate in your hearts. God have mercy on you all!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Things will change that's a absolute. Hopefully change for the better. In the meantime, your weaving is beautiful and dinner sounds very good!

    ReplyDelete
  37. You paint a strong picture of your frustration and feelings of helplessness. And then, like a true soldier, you move on. Spanish rice and cornbread....you know, that sounds pretty good. Maybe tomorrow night seeing as I have tonight covered already.

    ReplyDelete
  38. One can only hope that people are so angry with the White House buffoon and his promotion of quack cures and his earlier insistence that coronavirus was fake news, they'll finally throw him out.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I really think that sometimes the only thing to do is not to watch the news. It's the only thing that works for me anyhow. HOpe you feel better soon.

    ReplyDelete