Recovery

An explanation. I slipped down the slough of despair again. I'm a focused and oriented person, on the whole. I've been told that as a child I slapped the wind around for blowing in my face.

When we elected the orange idiot, I was as angry as any. I couldn't walk on Washington, but I was burning hot infuriated that a known misogynist, xenophobe could slip into the white house on a fluke. Not even with daddy's noodge to the Supreme Court, like GW, but simply on the electoral collage majority of fellow misogynists and xenophobes.

The might of this great nation, stockpiled again over the eight years of the previous administration, has been squandered so that fat white men could take the profit of the stock market. What we had is gone. Our greatest asset, intelligent and strong leadership, is gone.

When this crisis hit, we were told to be happy, don't worry, long after we needed to move in and take care. Now thousands around the world and at home are dying. Dying for want of supplies and equipment that are not in the storehouses, not in a reliable system of distribution.

Who is dying. A lot of old people A lot of less old people, with years to contribute. A lot of middle aged people, and young people, lives ahead of them Many, many in the medical profession, working non stop to save patients, and felled in duty. Youngsters, babies who have not even lived a life, dying because the greatest nation in the world could not rally round.

I was livid with anger four years ago. Now I am fighting despair at all the lost lives. That effing Russia, the great manipulator of this country's fair elections, is sending a cargo plane of sixty tons of masks, ventilators and other items the medical community is begging for. Thank you, Russia. Clever propaganda move. We'll take the lot of it.

This morning I still was crying at helplessness in the overwhelming futility of doing nothing except staying home. I wove off the next to last fourth of bobbins of yellow. When my back hurt, I quit for lunch, and had an orange and some crackers. At least I'd cried enough.

I leafed through the notebook; what to make for supper? I went all the way to the back. Nothing. I went to survey the pantry. A lot of stuff, and a small jar of some rice mixture. Spanish Rice! Of all the dishes I've worked at since I came to this trailer, Spanish rice is not one. I had all the ingredients except peppers and ground meat. I've used bacon for meat since Laura left, and I wouldn't make a trip to the store just for peppers.

Cornbread always accompanied Spanish rice as a child, so I began with that, and put together the Spanish rice to go into the oven when the cornbread vacated. I took the timer back to the studio and wove another couple of bobbins in the last forty minutes on the clock.

This was the best I've ever had. And no, I did not walk today. When it stopped raining, it was damp cold. Tomorrow will be lovely and I will be out in it, and feeling better.