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Thursday, May 17, 2018

A week and a half, school’s out



I know that, but it still came as a surprise when Laura announced it. She’s in charge of much of her summer, but I need to follow up on my commitment to find a personal safety program I can approve of. I need to get a grip on driving regulations, too, though I think my personal rule of “teenagers can’t drive teenagers” will suffice.



I had a one year checkup this week on my hearing aids. The fancy little bits of electronics replacing the pair lost on the red bus. I found a one year check up on the rest of me of interest too, at least to me. It’s a recap of what I don’t have back, and never will.

A sense of self. The me who had something to contribute. I read everything; I remembered it. I made sense of it. Conversation! I talked about what I read. I knew what I intended to say, and said it.

A body in time and space. Don’t think you can cast off twenty five pounds and not miss it! I didn’t have it to throw away. It’s what holds up your skin. I think of our old friend Mary Jane. She spent a month in the hospital getting a pig valve in her heart, “but one morning I got out of bed, just for them to weigh me, and I was a head to foot wrinkle!” Yep, that’s how it works.



The deep trough through my skull. Hair still won’t grow in it.



A job. Still bitter about this loss. So much income, present and future. I like money. This was taken away by small minded and stupidly obstinate people. I need to let it go. I can’t. On the other hand, I no longer give a rat’s ass. Like all else, it is what it is.

Every day remains on the calendar, to be dealt with. I used to stay in bed until three in the afternoon, when school was letting out. Now I get up at eight in the morning, like I have something to do. Occasionally I do.

Spring is coming on. I could go for the mail, except I picked it up on the way back from breakfast with Lynn. I would like to go out every day for breakfast, but I don’t have enough friends. Most of them still work.

I need more friends. Too many of them died last fall, essentially at once. It’s damn hard to forge new relationships. There are strong words involved. “Forge,” for instance. Both parties need to put effort in. 

My friend Carol and I laughed about that a bit ago. She left winter behind, moving to South Carolina. She’s finding new friends hard to come by, too. “Acquaintances, yes. Friends? Well, it’s only been two years,” she says. “No one yet I would call in the middle of the night.” We laugh.



If only more loom parts would show up. I still can’t put on a warp!

27 comments:

  1. Hari OM
    Feeling the frustration coming off the page, Joanne... quite understandable. Sense of purpose is so important, over just about all else. Once that shuttle is properly flying, I hope the mood will shift a bit for you. Crikey, its nearly two years since we spent time together; so much between those dates!!! YAM xx

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  2. I wish i was your neighbour Joanne.

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  3. Frustration and aggravation...yes, I can hear it and feel it. I too wish I was your neighbour...but then...you'd probably get tired of me.

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  4. too bad we aren't closer I'd stop by to see what you are doing; I have acquaintances here but no real friends; I see why you grow mandevilla, it is so cheery. I throw myself into cooking, gardening and pottery.

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  5. WE have moved many times over the years (7?) and friends were left behind. I have new friends here, but I miss the old.

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  6. I admire your one foot in front of the other approach. Right now I need that attitude. When days and times are hard it helps to know you are not the only one feeling crappy.

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  7. 'It is what it is', are such sad words. Like 'life's like that' we never ever use them for days brimming with excitement, with energy, with joy. Or even contentment.
    Like everyone else I mourn that I live so far away from you.

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  8. I too hear your frustration but just know following you on your blog you are such an inspiration to myself and to many others. You have a can do attitude amongst many other admirable traits. I know it is hard when you feel you no longer can do but you still do so much! I've found as I get more limits over the years I have to be grateful for what I still can do and not what I can't. It is hard but it is part of the process of enjoying the life I have. I think your hair looks pretty good and thick. I don't see any bad patches even if you notice them yourself. As for forging friendships, I so agree with you. It is harder when one isn't working and going out to as many events and activities. I work at it very hard but find many others do not. Those friendships I'm learning to hold lightly and not work so hard. It means I have to find new ones with people who will put in some effort.

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  9. You've described retirement, whether planned or not, perfectly!
    And the teenager driving rule is life-saving.

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  10. You are smarter than most I know Joanne and eat peanut or cashew butter by the spoonful. That should add on a few pounds. I have faith that things are getting better and you'll make new friends. It must be hard to deal with not healing as fast as you'd like, but head injuries take time to heal. Big hug.

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  11. Joanne, sometimes I wonder who people consider 'friends'. I have many acquaintances too, but the number of 'friends' I can count on one hand. These friends are like family - even closer in some cases. Blogging friends seem to fall in a category all their own. They are not necessarily physical friends, yet we talk about things we may not share with acquaintances. And yes, when we lose a dear friend (which we are apt to do at our age), it's quite a loss.
    And I've used that phrase, "It is what it is... and I can handle it" a lot. I think you're doing really well with all you've gone through. And venting helps! So keep venting!

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  12. Just like any other loss, a person needs to grieve for what used to be, when they've had a life-changing medical event. I hope time will help. In the meantime, know that we will listen.

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  13. Forge, indeed. When I was living abroad I met a really friendly woman a bit older than me who likened making new friendships to courting. Her words: You see if you like each other, have anything in common & go from there.

    -too bad she was dating my boss who was an unethical slime. No friendship forged with her, needless to say.

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  14. Making new friends was not easy after we moved. It is a slow process but has happened over time.

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  15. If you want to go to breakfast and no one is available to go with you take a book and go by yourself. You will never be alone when you have a book. Besides you'll look terribly independent.

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  16. I agree with your rule about teenagers not driving teenagers. Its definitely a safe one! I'm sure Laura will find ways to occupy her summer days and make them fun and learning at the same time. Its hard to make friends the older we get I think. Maybe join some type of club if one is available that holds your interest?

    betty

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  17. I know it's not what you're after but see if any local aged care facilities need visitors to befriend residents. You could be a friend to many, share your love and knowledge and be surprised how knowledgeable some who are older than us can be
    Cathy

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  18. good you're willing to make friends and work with younger people...so many are not and they lose out

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  19. I thought your loom had all the necessary pieces, but then, I know nothing about looms.
    I'm sad about all the parts of you that are lost, but I'm very happy about all that you still are: reading, weaving, doing things, going out for breakfast.

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  20. Like you, some of my dear friends have moved away or died in the past few years and my heart has been broken by their loss. I have only met new people through my volunteer job, and although they are much younger, I have been embraced by them, but it is a different kind of relationship. Other than joining groups, or being part of something, it is almost impossible at my age to develop new friendships.

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  21. Breakfast is our fave meal out, but we don't do it often, so it was a disappointment when the MDay bkfst didn't work out so well.

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  22. You are still the essential Joanne, and I would be lost without you. As our lives move and change and flow with the energy of life, the ways that we change bring a new essence. This is who we are, regardless of who we were. I know you are frustrated, but I still celebrate Joanne that IS. I love you, my friend. Peace.

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  23. You have taken on more than many in the past years that I've been reading your blog. From your blog I gather slowing down is a task that is hard to do for you. Trying relaxing with some favorite music.

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  24. Friends are hard to meet and keep.

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  25. I'm sorry you are feeling glum, but I'm glad you can come here and post about it. I hope that helps. Much love to you.

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  26. I agree with you about how hard it is to make friends once you are past a certain age. Especially when one still likes to rock and roll, and has strong progressive views. Surely there are more older women like us hiding out in their houses and apartments working online to smash the patriarchy? Hahahaha. I am dead serious, but still I have to laugh.

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  27. Agree Joanne about how much harder it is to make real friends as one ages. Thank the Lord that I have three who are still going strong.

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