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Thursday, October 5, 2017

You guys!


No one will be offended by this analogy, I’m sure. 

Last spring (though I have lost track of so much of this year), when the gop put out the first ACA repeal attempt, it seemed the entire list of gop-ers we were calling turned off their phones, their faxes, their email addresses. On Facebook came a share, to this effect: “Ok, Paul Ryon has gone radio silent. Here is his home address. Everyone send him a post card timed to arrive on Monday. Let’s have a hundred thousand post cards dumped on the end of his driveway.”

Mine was included.

I have struggled through a personal problem this summer, and I was as transparent as, well, a sheet of glass. There is a universe, though, and this week it has been sending really good stuff my way. Did you all get together and arrange a world-wide mail date? Thank you. We are burning up the return postal system with all Laura’s left over little round international thank you stamps. Back from her attempted international pen pal days. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.




The problem is coming to resolution. For the last two years more than a couple of friends have said, “This is none of my business, and tell me to shut up if I’m out of line, but, have you made plans for Laura?” Past changing a toxic environment and following her path to recovery, no, I haven’t.

The Red Bus business scared the bejammers out of me, when I was collected enough to think it through. There was dead and more to consider. Then, an incident this summer, in which the three family members on whom I might rely told me they would not have her. And half the time I couldn’t think clearly, on top of it.

I thought about her art teacher, Mrs. P. But Mrs. P. is moving house and starting her last one in college and all that stuff, and Laura only has two high school years left and I’ll be here and etcetcetc. My best friends are states away. Ann and I talked and Carol and I talked, and really had nothing more to say on the subject except we hoped I’d figure it out.




Then Laura smashed the car and Kay lent me one for two weeks. I helped Kay switch around her plethora of cars, and told her my dilemma on one of our rides. When I finally paid attention, I realized Kay was saying, over and over, “I’ll take her.” Laura, of course, was in complete agreement with that, and I called my daughter to tell her what I was planning, too.

Well, that backfired. I listened patiently, but ended the call when I was informed I was the villain who cut off Laura from all contact with the family. That was pretty much the last straw, and definitely the end of the conversation, toward the end of last week.

So, my sister bought a new house, which I knew. Saturday night I took a last look at Facebook, and read my sister thanking, by name, everyone of the family who helped her and Tom move in Saturday. My daughter, Laura’s mother. Bekka, Hamilton, Emily, Laura’s siblings, two of whom were my wards their high school years. I had no idea Saturday was moving day. No one called and asked if Laura could join the moving party. I stared at the screen a long time, and turned it off.

It is what it is. And, the postman filled my mail box this week with cards and letters and little presents. You guys are wonderful!

And, P.S., I saw Mrs. P. downtown today, and told her my solution.

“You know I would have Laura in a minute!”

“And, you’re my first back-up. But, I’ll still be here.”



32 comments:

  1. I'm very sorry you have to deal with this family drama and isolation. You are a winner Joanne. Don't let anyone make you feel less than you are. Your grandchildren and your granddaughter Laura have benefitted from your care, concern and loving support. I'm so glad your friend Kay has agreed to take Laura if the need arises and that Laura has agreed. Hugs. xx

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  2. Joanne, glad you have it figured out... but yes, you will still be here. (We all will - God willing)

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  3. Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring.

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  4. You have me in tears, Joanne. You found a solution and a backup for what we all hope will not be needed. These decisions must be made (I am looking for someone to take and love my cats and no takers yet) and it is a necessary thing for people like us to do. Now you can sleep easy knowing Laura will be wanted and loved. You will be cherished for all of Laura's life. You did good, dear Joanne, really, really good.

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    1. And Laura will take the cat, too. Can't get much better than that, can it Arleen.

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  5. It was only a matter of time for you to have a plan, Joanne. Meanwhile, you will be there. Hugs!

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  6. Families! Having met Leo's brother and sister I would rather trust a politician....but his cousins are wonderful people whom I would trust with any and everything.

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  7. Such generosity from those who know you.

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  8. I try never to disparage someone's family. I apologize. LAURA'S FAMILY IS UNSPEAKABLY CRUEL. We have watched her become a lovely young woman with so much to offer the world. She is caring and industrious. I am certain she wishes to be accepted but I feel that she will have a better life in spite of them.

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  9. As they say families are those we make, not those we're born into. I've enjoyed watching Laura grow up. She's where she's loved, you'll be there for her, we get stronger as we get older. Sometimes we need to cut our families out of our lives, they're not worth the pain they give.

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  10. It's been one of those years for the record books hasn't it? I'm so glad you've had some joy in your mailbox. You deserve it. I'm glad you have a backup plan in place. We all need a backup plan.

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  11. I thought I had a bad day yesterday! All of a sudden I realize that I have no problems! We all know what you have done, Joanne. We know how you have put your life on the line to take care of those grandkids. I am so glad you found a solution to your problem. You continue to take care of Laura. There is some good in this world.

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  12. I am shocked at the way you and Laura have been excluded. I shouldn't be, I've been reading here long enough to know what's what, but to not even be told about moving day, much less asked to help, that's just so wrong. It makes my heart ache. I am glad to hear that someone is willing to take Laura if necessary and that it is someone she knows and likes.

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  13. Hari Om
    ..and again I am reminded that the best family are the ones we make for ourselves... (can't tell you how often I have wished I was living close by to you and Laura...) YAM xx

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  14. I' m so sad to read the first part but glad about the outcome. Families can be very cruel.

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  15. I am sure Laura will be ok in the future and you stay with us many long years.

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  16. \joanne my heart goes out to you. I grumble about my problems at the moment but they are nothing compared with yours. Like you though I have some very good friends without whom I would havegone under this year.
    Take heart - things will get better. As someone once said - unfortunately we are born with our families. We get to choose our friends.

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  17. I stopped being anything but as polite as possible with my family years ago. Now I know why.

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  18. I am saddened by the cruelty your family displays towards both you and Laura. Choosing a scapegoat is what dysfunctional families do. It allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions, and it it allows them to feel superior and "normal,"even though they are neither.

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  19. what a heavy weight to be lifted. so sad that the family has aligned against Laura and you for standing by her side. well, their loss. perhaps once they are all well into adulthood and Laura has a good solid life they will reconcile. but, what did I miss? the clarion call?

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  20. Sending you much love and support -you have my email if you ned me!
    (BTW, what is the Red Bus?) xoox

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  21. You are a wonderful woman, and Laura is like you. I am sorry for all that you have had to endure from your family. And though I hope none of those solutions you worked out ever need to be used, it was wise of you to come up with them.So glad the universe sent good things your way!

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  22. we're in an age of superlative independence, dominance, and isolationism; if folks disagree many insist they are the only correct answer, the true solution, the only truth, many are suffering because of these beliefs and actions, and yet I see a contradiction when I see the outpouring of those gathering together for strangers in Las Vegas and Houston and Florida, what is the meaning of all of this, I have no idea, my family and more than a few of my friends no longer communicate with me. Everything I observe seems to be a contradiction to every other action I experience; I can make no sense of it all.

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  23. It's painful to be excluded by "family." Many of us have to create our own, non-biological families.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I was going to say that I would take Laura if it became necessary, but then I realized that I know Laura but she doesn't know me. She has no reason to want to move to Florida to live with a stranger. I know she would be a delight to me, though.

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  24. It's sad that family has cut you and Laura off. I applaud your preparations and hope they are not needed.

    Some people. Pah!

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  25. You and Laura have made your own ideal family . It's only sensible to make back-up plans but you're doing very well between you .
    Many would envy you .

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  26. I always find the American GOP Word interesting.....the GOP was always a name for our village hill....an ancient Neolithic burial mound

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    1. It means Grand Old Party, and once it was. I am fascinated by the burial mounds of of the old Gaelic countries; Ireland, your Gop. There are so many "ancient" burial mounds in Ohio. First century AD, but old to us.

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  27. Oh Joanne... I'm so sorry for all you are going through. You have been the best grandmother around. I guess in life, you have to do your best and just hope for the best. Sigh... Sending you hugs.

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  28. Dealing with the parents of the kids we are raising because they can't or won't is exhausting. I haven't had any contact with mine for 3 years. Hurts the girl clear to the bone but at least I'm not dealing with the crap!

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